**I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a new blog post. I’ve been struggling emotionally with several things and my time has been taken up with my two kids, and moving.**
It’s amazing how fast time has flown by. It has been almost 5 months now since I left George. Its been a hard few months adjusting to life with out him around, and I have to say that it has been a happier time all around. There are no more fights about money, kids, cars, computers… It’s been nice, honestly.
I have been told that there is nothing wrong with keeping the picture around for the kid’s memories, and for me to remember too, but it still hurts to much to look at the pictures. So for now the majority of them stay in the box, packed away for when I can better handle looking at the past 4 years. I have a few pictures of the four of us scattered around the house, and on occasion I will find myself staring at the pictures, wishing my life hadn’t changed, and that we were still a family. I do miss George, but I don’t miss who he had really become in the last couple years of our relationship.
But life has changed. Although he wasn’t the one who completely changed everything (I share some of the responsibility too…), he sure was the one who pushed the bigger changes into happening. And although I’m jealous of some of the changes, I get to have a better time in life getting to know the two, absolutely awesome individuals he helped bring into this world. He’s missing out, and I feel sorry for him.
But the things I don’t understand are why he would hold his grudges with me against the kids… Wendy loves her daddy, and misses him so terribly, its almost like watching a druggie go through withdrawals, waiting for the next hit of the drug that makes them feel goo, special even. But his visitations are few and far between, and it’s hitting Wendy like a ton of bricks. I hate watching my 3 year old daughter cry for her daddy, only to be dissapointed time and time again. Just recently she spent over an hour crying for her daddy, to be so close to seeing and spending time with him, but only to be told that Mommy needs to suck it up and deal with it.
Sure, I HAVE to deal with it. So what? I’m Mom, I’m ALWAYS going to have to deal with stuff like this.
But why in Heaven’s name does our 3 year old daughter have to deal with the fact that daddy is still too mad at mommy to realize that his little girl needs him, and needs him badly??? His 4-wheeler trip to Moab with his 30 year old son and his son’s wife was more important than his little girl, which is so sad and immature. It’s almost as if he’s reliving his 20’s and 30’s all over again, where he actually did this to his now 30 year old son too. But would his 30 year old son actually admit to this fact? Probably not. They both hate me. His son wants nothing to do with his little half siblings, and you know what? That’s just fine with me. Wendy does see her older half brother from time to time, as their daddy spends lots and lots of time at his son’s work place, and Wendy goes with her daddy to her older brother’s work place when she’s with George.