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Archive for May, 2011

Double Blog Post Today! :)

I just realized that I only hit on one topic in my last blog post! Oh my, forgetful me! LOL!

The kids and I have recently moved out on our own! Many thanks to my mom and dad for helping us out when we had nowhere else to go and letting us stay with them temporarily! It’s been quite an adjustment, and it’s still an ongoing adjustment period for both myself and the kids. The move has given the kids and I a little more freedom, and we are just soaking it all up and having fun. We go for more walks to the park and around the neighborhood, and now that I have my 4-wheeler out here at the house, more 4-wheeler rides up into the canyons! Wendy and I have missed the rides, and Nick’s really just now getting to know the fun of getting out and not being strapped in a carseat the whole time and not being able to see anything but sky through the back window of the car. He sits infront of me, wearing Wendy’s old 1+ bike helmet, with a sturdy baby sling acting as a seat belt that buckles him to me. Then Wendy sits behind me (where I have a seat that’s surrounded by sturdy weather proof ATV storage bags)with her 3+ Dora helmet on, and just sits back and enjoys the ride! It’s so much fun to share these experiences with my kids!

Ok, here’s another update! Nick is almost 14 months old! Jeez! How did time pass that quickly? It still seems like I was just pregnant with that little bugger! He’s growing so fast! And he’s super smart! He’s trying so hard to talk, trying to string sentences together, I can almost understand him! Seriously! He’s even figured out (either on hs own, or by watching Wendy or myself) that when he shreds paper (or the like) its supposed to go in the trash! Wendy herself had that all figured out by 13 months too!

MEMORY: Wendy was 13 months old, and George and I had given Wendy some newspaper to shred and have fun playing with, but when we noticed she was done playing, we told her that the paper had to go in the trash can. She gathered up two little chubby handfuls of paper and took them to the trash can, which was in the kitchen, a room away from where she’d made her mess. After about 3 trips of taking the paper to the trashcan, she brought the trashcan to the shredded paper!!! Boy, were George and I surprised! We just laughed with sheer delight at the way she had solved a simple problem of making one trip instead of multiple trips!!

Everyday Nick surprises me. He has one heck of a healthy appetite. For breakfast I’ll mix 4oz of puree’d baby food with rice cereal until it has a thick consistency, he eats that, then will eat a full bowl of my cereal (which means I have to eat 2 bowls of cereal. Then for lunch I usually make him a PB&J sandwich, on just one slice of bread.  Any more than that and he just plays with it. Then for dinner I usually make another sandwich, only this time I make a grilled cheeser, and he wolfs 3/4’s of it down. Snacks are a harder thing to provide as I don’t have the extra income to buy all the crackers the kids could want to eat, but when I do have them, he’ll eat a handful and then come back for more in about an hour or so.

Then I have to wonder, with an appetite like that, and his constant mover and shaker little self, is it really something I have to be worried about like the professionals and be worried about him that he isn’t gaining weight like he should be? Nah. I’m not worried. He’s healthy, albeit he’s a small kid. His daddy isn’t very big either, and neither am I. George and I both have smaller builds, and we come from families that have smaller people in them. I have a rare exception in my family, my little brother is something like 5’11 with a bigger build. Both of my grandmothers never grew taller than 4’11”.

He’s still a momma’s boy though, through and through. He wants to be held a majority of the time, and still loves to cuddle with me, and needs to have me in his line of sight 97% of the time too. The only thing I struggle with is the fact that he’s a co-sleeper. I sleep on a twin mattress and there’s barely enough room for the both of us, and he’s forever trying to push me out of bed. LOL! I almost always have a fist in my face, or knees in my back and/or ribs, and toes wedged in my butt crack somehow. It’s all good though, he still needs me, and I’m ok with this. What is it called? Attachment Parenting? I’ll have to look that one up, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it is.

Well, it’s time to go to bed, or else I’ll never get up with the kids! Good Night All (Or should I say Good Morning?)

Tempus Fugit!!

**I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write a new blog post. I’ve been struggling emotionally with several things and my time has been taken up with my two kids, and moving.**

It’s amazing how fast time has flown by. It has been almost 5 months now since I left George. Its been a hard few months adjusting to life with out him around, and I have to say that it has been a happier time all around. There are no more fights about money, kids, cars, computers… It’s been nice, honestly.

I have been told that there is nothing wrong with keeping the picture around for the kid’s memories, and for me to remember too, but it still hurts to much to look at the pictures. So for now the majority of them stay in the box, packed away for when I can better handle looking at the past 4 years. I have a few pictures of the four of us scattered around the house, and on occasion I will find myself staring at the pictures, wishing my life hadn’t changed, and that we were still a family. I do miss George, but I don’t miss who he had really become in the last couple years of our relationship.

But life has changed. Although he wasn’t the one who completely changed everything (I share some of the responsibility too…), he sure was the one who pushed the bigger changes into happening. And although I’m jealous of some of the changes, I get to have a better time in life getting to know the two, absolutely awesome individuals he helped bring into this world. He’s missing out, and I feel sorry for him.

But the things I don’t understand are why he would hold his grudges with me against the kids… Wendy loves her daddy, and misses him so terribly, its almost like watching a druggie go through withdrawals, waiting for the next hit of the drug that makes them feel goo, special even. But his visitations are few and far between, and it’s hitting Wendy like a ton of bricks. I hate watching my 3 year old daughter cry for her daddy, only to be dissapointed time and time again. Just recently she spent over an hour crying for her daddy, to be so close to seeing and spending time with him, but only to be told that Mommy needs to suck it up and deal with it.

Sure, I HAVE to deal with it. So what? I’m Mom, I’m ALWAYS going to have to deal with stuff like this.

But why in Heaven’s name does our 3 year old daughter have to deal with the fact that daddy is still too mad at mommy to realize that his little girl needs him, and needs him badly??? His 4-wheeler trip to Moab with his 30 year old son and his son’s wife was more important than his little girl, which is so sad and immature. It’s almost as if he’s reliving his 20’s and 30’s all over again, where he actually did this to his now 30 year old son too. But would his 30 year old son actually admit to this fact? Probably not. They both hate me. His son wants nothing to do with his little half siblings, and you know what? That’s just fine with me. Wendy does see her older half brother from time to time, as their daddy spends lots and lots of time at his son’s work place, and Wendy goes with her daddy to her older brother’s work place when she’s with George.

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